Why is it always like this?

Why is it always like this? Why should it be like this? when it happens always then, the fault might be with me. I think it is time for introspection. No the fault is not with your attitude but with your mindset, the way i look at things, the way i perceive. the fickle mind is playing tricks yet again and the SATAN is at his best i my mind creating all kinds of non-sense stuff in there. The moments are not always light-hearted. But i think from Feb i am living in a dichotomous and hypocrite world. I dont know what am i upto. In a moment i tend to think that this job is sufficient in life and play-safe becomes the name of the game. and the next i think of GMAT and the next i think of some other stuff. My life is missing that energy and enthusiasm. I get irritated so easily to anything, but my mind is in control of things keeping everything at its hypocrite best. At times i behave in such a way so as to hurt people. My ego is playing a major part in every part of my life. The holistic view of things is really taking a toll on me. Looking at an incident in all possible points of view dilutes the feel i have at the first look. It projects even an illegitimate stuff legitimate. Sometimes i fear that i might seriously hurt people's feelings which would not be intended. I get pissed off when some one starts questioning on things that i have done. Although they might be enquiring about the past but i feel that they are questioning about my capability or for that matter my values. Later i feel bad. I dont feel that remaining quiet and thinking before talking will be a solution coz i think that way i am just gonna suppress my energy more causing more dissatisfaction. i cant be a silent spectator coz its not Sanjeev. The constant energy that i carry along with me is kinda missing. I feel lost even when every one is around me.