Time - a human paradox

Life is a paradox. What does one really need? The truth or just a single facet on the vantage point? If it the perception that matters then what is truth? Truth is neither an opinion nor a perception as people preach. Time is the only truth as everything revolves round that. At one moment we see one version of truth and interpret that as the only version. Later at a different moment the situation might present a all version of truth which we also believe. If truth is situational then what is permanent? "Time" in which case should be worshipped and treated as an uniformity. If time is so critical why is that we have the paradox of "think of the past to savor the present and plan the future". How can one be in three different parts of time at the same moment? In which case we need to "live the moment". How can one "live the moment" as time which is perpetual defines the outcome as we are here now by the actions that we have done in the past. Once we starting bothering only about the present, what will be our future which is so dependent on the NOW. If every moment is a paradox and decision making then how can one really be HAPPY?

Shakespeare's "to be or not to be" is pointing at "being" not doing/acting. This reminds me of VALMIKI Sundara Kanda కాలోహి దురతక్రమః. Nothing can bypass TIME. We are so confused in the due course that we fail to understand the "REALITY". The sole reality is that we have got to survive till the climax of a certain death. We die not by a chance but with a conscience which is why one should not fear the ultimate truth. But deep down inside we fear that as we do not completely understand it. Is this is the paradox I am contemplating?

Pushing all this aside, should I live by instinct? Should I not bother about RISK? Should I not bother about family?

Too many questions and all that I have is one answer - life is a compromise and a trade off. Involve yourself that helps in keeping yourself so busy to be oblivious to the truth. 

To all of u who are following/reading this thread.... If u r in AP....U have turned to the right medium of expressing ur opinions. Switch on the TV, there is not a single program that u can watch for more than 30 min. hve u ever thought y? We have come from the DD days, where we used to sit b4 TV for very long time and not getting bored. Nowadays I, "I better use the word I for some obvious reasons", I feel restless to sit b4 TV coz my mindset wants a fast changing channel and we land up at NEWS channel. Y are we so restless? y dont we talk to our parents/relatives/frenz in a polite manner. Y r we frustrated always? Is it our destiny to be frustrated? Y on earth we let politicians say what they r saying? Is there a viable solution for this? The answer is yes. Try to laugh at the silliest joke of ur family/colleague. Try to be funny in every situation. Laughter is the medicine to all the problems in this world!

Adventure from home to HYDERABAD DECCAN

Thanks to iPhone that i cud write all this!!!!

Started as usual at 5.30 from home to Nampally station. Decided to go to sec'bad instead coz of availability of bus service from home. Forgot abt my luck. Then came a bus which was relatively full with quite a few standing inside. Blame it on my luck or my decision making ability I left that bus. For a moment forgot that's the best option I had i.e to board that bus. Realized that the buses would be full later coz it's Monday and office timings. Waited till 5.45, then decided to go to Nampally. Immediately took an auto. It all starts here. Even now I thought I wud make it well b4 time. We(auto n me) crossed Nalgonda X road and confronted a jam as usual. We reached the race course x road and the auto driver pulled aside saying that the auto has a problem and cannot make it to the station. It was around 5.50 by this happened. I was carrying only 100s. Had to waste 5 min there looking for change. Had to buy a waterbottle to find change. By then the traffic started moving slowly. Looked for another auto and obviously u cud guess that right- found none. Took a bus to Nampally. Took the ticket. Reached Chaderghat by 6.00-6.05. Alighted the bus after deciding to take an auto which would help atleast to reach. Believed the "hyderabad" auto driving skills could only help me now. All this time my brain was thinking of the run I needed to make to catch the station, typically filmi ;). Went to an auto which was standing and asked he could take me. 'Welcome chennai' the guy demanded 60/-, typical style of chennai auto drivers to demand high for small distances. And I being a typical hyderabadi rejected and was looking for another. To my rescue there was a saviour (can't help calling that). The twist was the meter was not working and he asked me to suggest the rate. I asked me in turn and he suggested 35/-I did not negotiate on that. I asked him to take the route Afzalgunj-feelkhana-market. He told that it's long and instead told me that the traditional route was better and the jam we are looking at is gonna last for a few min and told that we would reach in time to Nampally. I had to trust his instincts so agreed what he had to say. If u can guess the next twist U r reading my luck straight. If u think that I was stuck there in the jam and getting frustated thn HAAHAA u r wrong mite! Typically Australian huh? Blame that on what I did the whole day(cricket). As predicted by my saviour there was no jam. We cruised thru till Jambagh. Thr was a small traffic jam which was a small hiccup and proceeded to the station. Meanwhile the driver asked me if i had the change to give him. For a moment I wondered what my luck had for me in store. But it did not desert me now(twist huh!) We reached the station by 6.25. That's typically me :0. He bought himself some bananas to cater the change. Gave him the remaining amount. Got out of the auto and started running. It was 6.27 by the time I reached the platform 3 and saw that the train was on the other platform. Hurried to the footover bridge. If ur brain Is thinking then I wud be running like Bolt in ur imaginations. Reached the platform at ????. I know that u know it by now. Expecting a twist in the tale?then u r lucky enuf to have one. Guess what!!!! I boarded the running train and went straight to my seat no. to see that it's already occupied. Thanks to railways new 9 seating arrangement per section my seat no. was relocated. Found the right one after checking the charts in sec'bad.Adhi story....... Ika chaalu get back to what u were doing b4. I am in the train now typing all this munching "Good day" which is what I had thanks to my luck anyways :0.

CHAOTIC

I am being stormed with these questions off-late.

Does the problem lie with me? Do I portray a reckless attitude? Am I a spoiled brat? Do i think too much of an issue? Am i irresponsible? Am i being hypocritical about decisions that i take? and I end up with one single Q.... What is that really i want?

Later I try to answer each in detail. Convince myself and the others who are with me that i am correct in thinking the way i did at that moment.

The convincing only subsides the fire within and coz of laziness or indecision at a later point of time fires that back. Is that the problem of my perspective of things or rather fickle mindedness, which is changing the way i see at things so rapidly due to the environment surrounding the issue? Dunno what... My strengths at one point have become weaknesses at some other point. Am i really a failure compared to my peers?

Am i one of those losing hope on everything and my mind goes blank and everyone around me seems to be happy. i know that everyone around have this in their background scheduling of the mind but some how are able to get on with life using someway or the other like drinking, smoking, gals n stuff. This leads me to another Q.... Do i lack passion in life for something seriously in life??? 

Am i chasing a dream too big?.. wait do i really have a dream?? Earning more money is what i dream of? or is there something else? Thinking of this.. i get to the point where i tend to measure the balance money and happiness.. seems ridiculous isnt it? Y am i writing all this?

Having the above removed from my mind by one way or the other like listening to music or watch movies or talk to some one really close, not abt the Qs of course, or something thats very trivial, i get on with life. Do i lack the capability of expressing what i feel to the ones close to me? Am i asking them the wrong Qs, that mislead them to advise me something else?

Do i belong where i am being currently? Why am i fearing the adversity? Why am i running away from fear and thinking of playing safe always? where is the alchemist inside me gone? Dunno really what i am typing....

I'm just jotting my thoughts at this moment….. Sorry to have u disturbed with all this CRAP!!!!

Please don’t answer any of this…… u will get mad!!!!!

On the anniversary

There are some days in life which can only be recollected and cannot be relived. 366 days back, that was one day which qualifies for the above sentence. May 2nd 2007 was the day where we invited a new member to our family, the one who carried all responsibility of standing by my brother and family every moment of her life form now on. The grace with which both, it would be better to call as ONE, took up the responsibility in one of the most grandiloquent ceremonies ever imaginable (to me), thanks to one and all that made the event a SUCCESS. That was the day which was decided by the GOD himself to unite probably reunites the couple. I say reunite is to specify that this relation might have been decided in their previous lives. Leaving the theological part, I am here to remember those moments after the fall of the first year in the hundred years to follow. This one year the souls in two different bodies have combined to give rise to a well cherished dream of our family, happiness and more happiness to all the people around this relationship. In the past 1 year, there were 365 days to be remembered, but there are moments which stand out. To name a few, the new couple traveling to Sweden, the news of having a child, the Shashtipoorthi ceremony of our father. Sorry that I could not quote many coz I have got a very poor memory. To elaborate on the moments I quoted, the first one was about a mixed bag for the family. It was filled with JOY coz it was being considered as a extended honeymoon and was also filled with some grief because it was a newly wed couple going away from home. Coming to the next one, that moment was the moment which filled happiness in the whole family. That was one more moment I would cherish as I felt (for a moment) responsible and at the same time childish and all kinds of feelings running in my small mind (if any). The third moment is that moment that made them immortal. I could find no words to match the moment.

All the greetings given to this 1 year young couple will shower as blessings to the one who will be responsible to add more flavor in their lives and the one who increases the bonding in the family.
These are some lines I liked to jot down in the remembrance of the past 1 year.

Why is it always like this?

Why is it always like this? Why should it be like this? when it happens always then, the fault might be with me. I think it is time for introspection. No the fault is not with your attitude but with your mindset, the way i look at things, the way i perceive. the fickle mind is playing tricks yet again and the SATAN is at his best i my mind creating all kinds of non-sense stuff in there. The moments are not always light-hearted. But i think from Feb i am living in a dichotomous and hypocrite world. I dont know what am i upto. In a moment i tend to think that this job is sufficient in life and play-safe becomes the name of the game. and the next i think of GMAT and the next i think of some other stuff. My life is missing that energy and enthusiasm. I get irritated so easily to anything, but my mind is in control of things keeping everything at its hypocrite best. At times i behave in such a way so as to hurt people. My ego is playing a major part in every part of my life. The holistic view of things is really taking a toll on me. Looking at an incident in all possible points of view dilutes the feel i have at the first look. It projects even an illegitimate stuff legitimate. Sometimes i fear that i might seriously hurt people's feelings which would not be intended. I get pissed off when some one starts questioning on things that i have done. Although they might be enquiring about the past but i feel that they are questioning about my capability or for that matter my values. Later i feel bad. I dont feel that remaining quiet and thinking before talking will be a solution coz i think that way i am just gonna suppress my energy more causing more dissatisfaction. i cant be a silent spectator coz its not Sanjeev. The constant energy that i carry along with me is kinda missing. I feel lost even when every one is around me.

UNTITLED coz its LIFE

Note: For every statement below there are 2 sides. Please take the appropriate side which you think is applicable.

November 13th 2006, the day I think was the day which changed our lives. We steeped into the professional life, may it be by will or any other reason, and we joined hands together for the battle ahead in our lives. The day started with lots of aspirations in our minds which were planning some thing BIG all the time. Aha!!! We finally landed into a company with job security and enough amount of money*. We were made to sign the bond of 2 years, which we happily did unknowing of the treacherous road ahead. Then it all started……. Can’t say that too!!!! Coz till JAN we never got the feel that we were working…..The period between November and January can be probably considered as the best days of our lives so far coz we had a mixture of youth, adolescence and adulthood.

The time we had in Ponmudi surrounded by a cloud of moist air and rain, the trip to one of the best architectural masterpieces of all times , Madurai, under the beautiful water-falls of Courtallam, the fun in the beautiful beaches of Kovalam and Varkala, the feeling of being at the tip of the sub-continent, Kanyakumari….. C’mon all this is making me nostalgic. We had fun all the way till we reached Chennai. In Chennai of course we had fun in a totally new and different way…… Guys u know what am I referring to.

The road to our anniversary was filled with roses for about a mile and the roses gradually dried out leaving just the thorns behind. Now we see thorns and only thorns in this way. My peers have decide a trek a different path which matches with their own ambitions and which leads them to the ZENITH they have been dreaming from the beginning. I see no point in looking back and counting all the milestones laid for all the wrong reasons so far in my journey. There is no place for sorrow and distress and depressing thoughts here. We here had been a unit with a strong binding force which still amazes me, we come from a different background with so many different aspirations and with so many different characteristics. We gelled with each other so well no one in our lives might have thought in college. We are here celebrating the anniversary of 1 year of the so called purposeful days of our lives. Recently I am in my “0” state, that’s what we here call it, with full of synergy between fun and work. This is a small token of gratitude to all those who have supported and who have not supported in this 1 year of journey. The bottom line is WE ARE HERE TO CELEBRATE AND CHERISH EACH AND EVERY MOMENT OF OUR LIVES.Guys we are running out of time to visit places… Its November!!! Remember last year and the amount of traveling we used to do….. So lets get the PARTY started……….