CHAOTIC

I am being stormed with these questions off-late.

Does the problem lie with me? Do I portray a reckless attitude? Am I a spoiled brat? Do i think too much of an issue? Am i irresponsible? Am i being hypocritical about decisions that i take? and I end up with one single Q.... What is that really i want?

Later I try to answer each in detail. Convince myself and the others who are with me that i am correct in thinking the way i did at that moment.

The convincing only subsides the fire within and coz of laziness or indecision at a later point of time fires that back. Is that the problem of my perspective of things or rather fickle mindedness, which is changing the way i see at things so rapidly due to the environment surrounding the issue? Dunno what... My strengths at one point have become weaknesses at some other point. Am i really a failure compared to my peers?

Am i one of those losing hope on everything and my mind goes blank and everyone around me seems to be happy. i know that everyone around have this in their background scheduling of the mind but some how are able to get on with life using someway or the other like drinking, smoking, gals n stuff. This leads me to another Q.... Do i lack passion in life for something seriously in life??? 

Am i chasing a dream too big?.. wait do i really have a dream?? Earning more money is what i dream of? or is there something else? Thinking of this.. i get to the point where i tend to measure the balance money and happiness.. seems ridiculous isnt it? Y am i writing all this?

Having the above removed from my mind by one way or the other like listening to music or watch movies or talk to some one really close, not abt the Qs of course, or something thats very trivial, i get on with life. Do i lack the capability of expressing what i feel to the ones close to me? Am i asking them the wrong Qs, that mislead them to advise me something else?

Do i belong where i am being currently? Why am i fearing the adversity? Why am i running away from fear and thinking of playing safe always? where is the alchemist inside me gone? Dunno really what i am typing....

I'm just jotting my thoughts at this moment….. Sorry to have u disturbed with all this CRAP!!!!

Please don’t answer any of this…… u will get mad!!!!!